So if you are a regular reader of this, you’ll know that this post is a little different to the others. I really enjoy writing and don’t want to feel limited in the content that I want to write about. I will still be mainly posting in my usual diary style, but you may see some different posts from time to time 🙂
I wrote this in the earlier days, when we found out we were pregnant and before moving house!
Two pink lines and three reactions.
The first reaction I had when we found out we were expecting, was one hundred percent genuine joy. The biggest smile took over my entire face and I couldn’t quite believe those two small pink lines staring back at me. Although I had wanted this moment for such a long time, I didn’t expect it to happen this quickly mainly down to medical reasons and also because we had literally just started trying.
My second reaction was then disbelief. I couldn’t quite figure out how I had become this lucky? Being a Bridget Jones type of woman in everyday life was not always fun and laughter. Are you sure? I kept thinking to myself over and over. It reminded me of when I passed my driving test on the fourth attempt and repeatedly asked the test instructor if he was telling the truth and not “just kidding!” me.
My third reaction was slight worry. This was mainly due to the fact that I feel like my body is more like a crispy autumn leaf in dealing with pain and sickness; falling from the tree in the most dramatic dance and shrivels up on the ground waiting for the end. Other worries ran quicker through my mind with more and more stacking up:
Our house is too small.
We aren’t made of money.
None of my clothes will fit me.
I’m going to put on LOADS of weight.
I don’t think anyone would be happy for us.
How will I cope with morning sickness?
How will I cope with labour?
We don’t have a bath.
It took some time for this revelation to sink in but it gave me a few days of thought to conclude some of the things I was pondering over.
1 – The medical issues that I previously had, did not stop me from conceiving this perfect little miniature human! My body was able to do this without any medical encouragement and that feeling was so fulfilling and empowering; I could have easily walked around dressed as Wonder Woman that day because that is exactly how I felt.
2 – Good things DO happen. Especially when you least expect them! Even when you think you are the most unlucky person and waited an absolute lifetime; the most wonderful things creep up on you and you’re left thinking how could I have ever thought that about myself? The best thing about that part is that YOU did this. All by yourself. Your partner may have had a part to play but you got this now! You’re capable of achieving anything when the time is right for you. Don’t fret if it’s not, your body will know when it is, the clever thing.
3 – This quote I stumbled upon recently had the perfect way to sum up my anxious mind:
“If you are sad you are living in the past. If you are anxious you are living in the future. If you are at peace you are living in the present.”
Although all of those worries were relevant to me, I needed to stop and think each point realistically. All of the above can be dealt with one step at a time and there’s absolutely no rush for anything, not to mention there is no point in stressing over things that haven’t even happened yet! Taking a moment out to bathe in the thoughts of 1 and 2 settled my mind almost instantly.
Don’t forget to live in the present because in two blinks, it’s gone. Relish these moments and the small things will take care of themselves.