Dear little pea,
The mood is a little less positive today but I will try to keep it brief as I don’t want these to turn into letters full of negativity.
Work was pretty stressful last week and it completely wiped me out. I wasn’t well on Saturday and could hardly move from bed. We have managed to start packing up our house though into boxes so that’s exciting 🙂 (and tiring!)
Sunday 6th was Mother’s Day in the UK 🙂 I drove to meet your grandma and uncle and we took her out for breakfast to a lovely little café where they grown their own tea and herbs in their garden.
We enjoyed pancakes with maple syrup and took a walk down by the harbour near to where your uncle lives. I bought your grandma two cards, one from myself and a little one from you. Don’t worry we haven’t already chosen your name so it was just signed “Baby J” and said that you couldn’t wait to meet her 🙂
I jokingly asked her if she had got me a card and her reply was “No, you’re not a real mum yet!” I knew that she meant that you haven’t yet arrived but those words resonated through my entire body and just I felt a pang of hurt. I feel as if other people don’t perceive you to exist yet because you’re not a largely visible bump so in their eyes you’re not real. I can see a little bump forming but some comments I’ve had are “there’s nothing of you/you can’t see anything/everyone’s tummy pokes out a little bit” Really? I didn’t know everyone was pregnant! Or that anyone but myself knows my body like I do..
You are real. You exist to me and your dad and that’s all that matters. I can’t pretend that people’s words don’t upset me because they do, but I must remember that you are real and you exist which is the most wonderful thing. I can’t prevent the comments or the bad advice but I’m going to pipe up if it keeps happening. Today is International Women’s Day and I need to remember that I can be strong on my own accord to protect myself and you if I need to.
Also on Sunday I received some sad news that a friend had passed away. She was very ill and it was expected but it doesn’t soften the blow at all. I’m going to her funeral in a couple of weeks and we’ll wearing lots of colours to celebrate her life 🙂 You know that means we need to go shopping as well seeing as pretty much everything I own is either black or grey!
An exciting update though is that we have your first scan booked! 😀 It’s two weeks today and it’ll be the first time we can actually see you! I’m so excited and can’t wait to see your little body and be able to take the scan photos home to look at you whenever we want. I’ll be sure to make a copy and pop in here too 🙂
We also now have a Twitter account which is primarily me posting frequent updates, complaining about my back hurting and little bits of you – twitter.com/pippiandpea
I’m feeling pretty tired today and I just want to go home 😦 Though I know that this evening means more packing!
I came across this quote the other day and although it’s pretty simple, I found it so empowering. Whenever you feel like doubting yourself always think of this.
You are now the size of a Lego man! You’re about 1 1/4 inches long and you’re beginning to develop human features like the buds of baby teeth, elbows and other joints. If you’re a boy you have already started to produce testosterone but we won’t know this until the second trimester. You’re starting to move around a lot more now and would be detected in an ultrasound scan. Your digestive system is also functional by now and transporting your food matter.